Miranda Kronfeld (Assistant Director) is a New York native with a heart of gold and a body covered in flesh. She is verbally non-confrontational but always ready for fisticuffs, and will drop or gain weight for an equally matched fight given sufficient notice. Miranda is the proud owner of a Mr. Coffee coffee maker, electric toothbrush, and Pulp Fiction poster that was actually really cool to have when she got it.
No, really, that’s all she does. After making her way through all of the bagels in her small hometown in upstate New York, she moved to the big city to see what bagels it had to offer. In her spare time, she can be seen drafting tweets with a bagel in hand, asking if that smoothie is made with almond milk (while biting into a bagel), and taking improv classes at UCB as she enjoys a plump and tasty bagel. You can catch her doing her homework and staring vaguely at strangers in various East Village coffee shops as she pursues her major of Dramatic Writing and Gallatin minor of Eating Bagels. Is that a doughnut she’s holding? Nope, it’s a bagel. And yes, she does remind you of that one girl you know from that one thing that one time. No, she probably isn’t that girl. But she might be. Especially if she had a bagel.
A– A valuable asset in any game of Bananagrams, OR in the Most Dangerous Game, which is, of course, hunting human beings for sport.
B– Bitch, please! Haha, I’m just joking. Relax, profanity is for the soft of skull and weak of heart.
I– Immune system. Sabina has one, and it’s not great.
N– No chump. So don’t come around here peddling your wares unless they’re the genuine article, the real McCoy, y’hear?
A– Animal, mineral, and vegetable all at once.
Russell Katz’s first word is unknown due to the regrettable truth that his mother doesn’t remember what it was. When his brother uttered his first word, he pointed at the moon and said, “Moon.” Wow. What a frickin’ accomplishment. Maybe Russell’s first word was something rad like vagrant or perpendicular, or maybe it was something nasty like Russophobia. I guess we’ll never know. Whatever. Who even cares, right? Not Russell. Not even a dollop.
Eden Keig is on her 3rd reincarnation. Before this, she was a bumblebee, and before that, President Gerald Ford.
Zoë Smith, an emotional aquarius, loves the sound of rain, hates honey dew melon and has an accent on her e because she’s classy. Often as a child her father would beckon her into the living room to watch the scene in Kill Bill where The Bride cuts off the top of O-Ren’s skull and it falls into the pure, white snow. That should give you some insight into her childhood and current psyche. She’s offended that she isn’t asked for nudes more frequently because she firmly believes she has the best titties in New York City. This isn’t an invitation to ask her for nudes, though. She’s too classy for that. One time she fed a horse and she hated it.
Gus Laughlin is NOT your typical soon-to-be 16 year-old. This daddy’s boy lives the good life and is not afraid to admit that he always gets what he wants, especially from his father. But will planning the ultimate Sweet 16 be the one thing that doesn’t go his way? Living in a city like New York, Gus makes sure he doesn’t get lost in the crowd- he’s got a style all his own and openly admits he’s a social butterfly, some might even say queen bee. From cheerleading to prep rallies, the bigger the better, and his birthday bash is going to be no exception. It’s time to raise the stakes and give his friends a night they’ll never forget!